Ch 50
“Adler get out of the mud!” Thirty-Four pushed Adler out of the mud and kept him going with the group, he loved playing with mud and ever since they had been offloaded of the train Adler has been stopping in every mud hole to play in. And being in a swamp land that is a lot of mud holes. The Russian tanks were well used to the mud and marsh of swamp so this didn’t faze them as much as it did American tanks and some German, but it was sure getting on Thirty-Four’s nerves. They were the second batch on the train, it was Thirty-Four, Adler, Kramia, Mini-Rommel, Erin, Gretchen, Tiger, Frau and Canine’s remains. There were a lot more tanks lined up back at the port but the train could only haul so much. Thirty-Four was in front with Adler at the head of the tank column, the leading car was Kitty the Puma acting as the navigator. Adler stopped to play with mud and this time Thirty-Four scooped him onto her chest. “Adler you’re going to make me throw out a track. You’re getting too big.”
“I need new belts, mom, they aren’t working.”
“No, you got them changed just before the boat ride, you’re fine. What you need to do is keep going and DON’T play in the mud.”
“Moooom!” He groaned as he shook mud out of his hand. They trekked on and eventually came across tall chain linked fences topped with barbed wire. There was a sign that clearly stated that trespassers would be shot, and that photography was a no-no. “Mama, is this our home?” She looked at the complex, so far it looked more like a prison than a camp.
“I guess so.” She replied, holding him tightly in her arms.
“I zought Amerika vas za home of za free? So much for free.” Gretchen said in her accented English as she gazed upon the gates.
“This is here to keep citizens out, not to keep us in. They don’t want people to learn that life as they knew it was wrong.” The human navigator spoke.
“But vie?”
“They’ll stay calm and quiet not knowing, but if they found out, everyone would go crazy.” The two guards at the gate opened up a path and let them through. There they met with an assistant who led them to certain areas, they passed moderate sized building like warehouses that they figured were for testing and storage. They split off just before the large, circular building that seemed to be the main structure and were split by gender. Adler did stay with Thirty-Four for the time being but Mini and Canine’s remains were split from the mostly female group. As Mini passed one of the open warehouse doors Thirty-Four spotted something that instantly changed her.
In the warehouse was a Tiger tank, first model with the Panzer III turret storage bin on the back of the turret. The whole side was riddled with shot holes and the skirts were all missing, one of the exhaust pipe armored covers was gone, too. Just seeing the tank and its presence moved Thirty-Four. She turned to it and put Adler down, commanding him to stay there. She knew what she was looking at, she knew who she was looking at. Without a doubt. Tears formed at her eyes and her body shook with fear and rage, suddenly she lunged forward blinded by emotion and crashed against his side. Her arms flailed against his side, punching and whacking and clawing and pushing and pulling. The Tiger initially was shocked by this but quickly figured who it was, Thirty-Four’s voice reminded him.
“You son of a bitch! You bastard rat! Coward! How could you do this!? I hate you! Worthless Nazi coward rat bastard! Burn in hell you lousy box! I hate you! I hate you! Why? WHY!?!” She sobbed more with her eyes slammed shut and her entire energy being devoted to throwing herself at him. “TELL ME!”
Devastator silently took it. He let her push and attack at him, it barely did anything to his actual body but he still hurt. He knew he did her wrong, he knows that he’s entirely at fault. He can’t comprehend what pain and suffering she’s gone through. He listens very closely to her, he hears her pain and hate, he feels her anger and emotion, he knows his guilt and his burden. He wants to say sorry so badly but knows it’ll fall on deaf ears. Why should she believe him? She had to provide for herself, she had to survive, she had to give birth, and he hopes that she took care and provided for the child. He knows he can’t ever make it perfect or even right. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least try to help. He continued listening very attentively as she went on about eating her crew, feeling abandoned by the world, her whole life obliterated, the cold and sleepless winter nights and the melting summers. He listened to her tale of eating her own, being a cannibal, hating her body and wishing death to it all. He was listening the whole time as he looked down to the ground in guilt and shame. He had hoped this day would come; the day he returned to her. Then she started asking questions that hit him hard.
“How many others did you rape!? How many others are there!?! Did you even think of us? Did you even care? Did you gloat and boast about us? Were we just campfire stories, bar talks?! Or did you think back and wonder if it’s still just as tight? Is it still hot and wet? Did you care if we were alive or dead?!? Are we just measly sex toys for you to use at your every whim?!” She backed off and looked at him, staring at the ground. “TELL MEEEEE!!!” She shrieked. She threw herself at him again and gripped him, pulling herself to him with screeching metallic groans and shrieks as metal rubbed metal. Dev let her do and say as she pleased, as she wanted, as she so did. He expected this, tried to prepare for this, but all of his fortitude and preparation was shattered by reality. Thirty-Four whispered to him then, “Thank you.” Dev’s eyes widened and went level.
‘What?’ He mouthed, he never expected that. Never. Not once.
“Thank you, he’s all I have to live for.” Her arms were quivering and she was trying to get closer to him. He cautiously reached out with arms to hold her and braced for a burst of hate and bitterness. As he touched her though her body embraced it, as if this was all it needed. “He’s my joy, my friend, my life, he makes me want to wake up every morning, to live each day. Thank you. I never had that before.” Dev turned his turret to face her against his left and pulled her tightly against his side. She was sobbing and crying against his armor. He remembers that day with bitterness, salt and pain. She looked almost the exact same except her green paint was faded, her treads were much more worn and muddy, her gear boxes were warped and equipment was gone, her long saw was covering her shot mark, and there was chipped paint and rust around areas of high movement. He stroked her roof and slipped a hand into hers. He took in a very long and deep breath of air and exhaled a long sigh.
“Panzer thirty-four, I am sorry.” Thirty-Four expected the apology, but like he feared she didn’t believe it, even though she wanted too. It was what he said after that made her believe it. “Yes, I did think about you. I thought about you very much. I was and still am guilt ridden, I knew I did wrong, I knew I ruined you, I never once thought of that as something to be proud of. I hated myself and I made a promise to find you and apologize. I know you won’t believe my sorrows but I feel like I have to do this. I must help sooth your sorrows. I was very much in the wrong and I deserve every insult and every bit of hate you have against me. When others would boast about what they snagged I remembered how wrong I was, how cruel and how you must be suffering. I felt the growing desire to see my child and to raise it, I don’t want a bastard child as there must be so many of now, and I don’t want my child to struggle through their life without a father. I won’t let you suffer any more. I will try to make it right, I will help any way I can. I promise you, on my life, that I will be there when you need me. When my child needs me. Regardless of anything. I will not let you two suffer. You will be taken care of as much as I can do. I will prove that to you. Whatever your name is, if you have a name, I only ask one thing, that one thing is not forgiveness, but to let me help. Let me help raise my child. Let me ease the burden. Please, that is my one and only request.” Thirty-Four had never thought of this, never thought he would ask that, never thought he would want that. She was breath taken and confused, she hated him there but yet was compassionate, she couldn’t explain what she felt for there is no way. No exact way to describe what went through her mind.
“Mama,” Adler asked concerned, “are you ok, mama?” Adler had crept up behind Thirty-Four and was very concerned for her. But he couldn’t help but look at the Tiger tank she was against, he felt something in that tank like he felt in those two German soldiers-but stronger. He felt like a friend with the soldiers but the Tiger, the Tiger made him feel like he was like him, the same way Adler felt with ma but not as strong. Adler wanted to ask who he was, but knew ma would be upset. Just like every other time he asked.
But deep inside Adler wanted to ask, it was a burning desire more powerful than before, he tried to fight it as much as he could because mama wasn’t doing well right now but it demanded to be answered more and more. The question kept crawling and lodging itself in Adler’s throat, again and again he’d swallow hard but it kept coming. It forced its way back. Adler starred to panic, but when he looked into his mother’s eyes for help he saw she needed it more. He saw she needed a push, she needed help with her own question. He saw the anxiety and desire in her eyes so he let his go, he was strong then for his mama. He tipped the balance. “Mama, is this my dad?”
Dev looked up from Thirty-Four and looked at the smaller T-34. It had his own brown eyes but looked exactly like its mother but without tracks or any equipment at all. Dev smiled at it, he looked over the child with a hint of pride and a lot of compassion and love. Adler was looking at Dev but was more scanning over him, Dev wished he was more presentable for his child. “Mama,” he whispered back to Thirty-Four, “it’s beautiful. It looks exactly like you. I’d say you’ve done a great job so far. Please let me help you do the best job, please?” Thirty-Four was looking back at Adler, watching him study over Dev like it’s a new mountain, or a strange tree, or like he did the ship. She heard Dev whisper to her and deep inside it made her feel good. No one has ever complimented Adler or herself like that, Shellproof was the closest to it.
“Adler, this is your father.” Adler wasn’t moved, he figured that by then but just needed assurance. Instead of rushing to greet his father he sat still, instead of asking a million questions that Thirty-Four expected him to do he was silent. She knew he was a smart kid, that he knew they were different. Adler was trying to figure it out himself. He did know that this family of his was different from all the others. He had seen other Tigers and other T-34s scattered among each other where they fell in combat, he had seen the power of war machines. He always silently gazed upon the remnants of the dead and wondered of their final moments. Bodies scorched on and around tanks, soldiers grouped up together in their squads, bits of AT guns scattered around foxholes, he had seen it all and always would silently wonder.
He was doing the same to this Tiger, he noticed the holes on the aft end of the tank, shots at the engine and fuel, but he also noticed there were some shots at a crew that probably wasn’t there. Those shots were pointing in the crew’s compartment, he saw no blood stains or even scorch marks of where ammunition would have gone off. From the amount of kill marks on the Tiger’s gun he knew that the Tiger was no fool, and was probably responsible for mom’s shot wound. There were scorch marks on the turret storage box and the engine deck, he had been set afire, and he saw marks faintly on the turret sides, so he kept fighting after being set afire. Adler now pieced together what he thought happened to him. And he would finally be able to test his theory. “What happened to you? How did you meet this end?” Dev wasn’t expecting that at all.
“What do you mean?” Adler pointed at the various wounds. “Oh, those,” he looked to Thirty-Four for approval, she whispered he’s seen it all and to tell him, “I lost this fight. It was Seelow Heights, we were dug in and waiting for the attack-like we always were, and we had hopes of stopping your push there. We had never felt so surely of victory before, we had hundreds of Panzers, dozens of Tigers, dozens of Panthers, thousands of guns and bombs! We had thousands of eager and determined soldiers, ready to fight to the death. We vowed to stop you there, to end your assault and push you back, and back, and back, all the way back to Moscow! But as you know, and probably saw, we failed. You rolled over us like every other time, there was nothing we could do but buy borrowed time. I was dug into a hill with two guns on each side, three Pak guns and an 88, we overlooked a shallow in the river where tanks and soldiers could cross. In my front were many machine guns and trenches filled with soldiers, ready to cut down any man who stood against them. But instead of men came bombs, then tanks, and more tanks. Panzer 85s barreled across the field and were heading right for us. One gun crew was just as experienced as me, and together we made every shot count. Each time we fired we hit our mark at any range, but sadly for us the other gun crews were too new, they missed again and again, they tried their hardest but they didn’t know what to do. They would miss to the right, they would fall short, they would shoot long. Every so often they would find a mark and kill their target, but then they had to start over with a new target. We couldn’t stop them. Tanks stormed through the river, ran up the hill, ran over our trenches and smashed our guns underneath them. And there was nothing we could do to stop them. The tanks began firing at me while climbing the hill. They missed because they were moving-never fire on the move, it’s bad discipline and a waste of ammunition-but then I felt a hot sting on my side. One had shot me here on my right, then I was hit on my left, and again on my left, and my right, surely if I was full of ammo I would have exploded but all they could shoot were my empty racks. They tried shooting for my crew, but I have never had one, so-”
“They kept shooting your crew room, but when you kept fighting back they shot your engine.”
“Yes, they were panicking then, they dumped a few shots into the dirt, bounced off my deck here, one tank shot the other, but they hit their marks eventually. They pumped shot after shot into my rear, I caught fire all over my back and burned. But I kept fighting, I kept fighting for my brothers, for my homeland, I fought to stop you I turned to shoot here, and there, and over that way and down yonder, but I ran out of ammo, and I ran out of fuel. My engine is now burnt up, it doesn’t run, and my gears are cranky and deformed. I’m very much unusable. And that’s why I’m here. I was captured by a Russian special interest group and when they assessed my damage they deemed me too far gone. They sold me to America in exchange for a curve on their debt.”
“I thought you ran to America like the others did.”
“What?”
“Other Germans, they ran to the Americans to surrender. I got that wrong.”
“Oh.” There was a long silence then. “I felt it was time I stopped running.”
“So why did you run? Why did you run from mom?” Dev took another long sigh, Thirty-Four was still clenching onto him.
“When I met your mother I still took pride in what I did, I was proud of my work and what my job was. I was proud about how well I did my job. So, when I came across and slaughtered her crew and platoon I felt no remorse. I was doing nothing other than killing Germany’s enemies. Yes, I shot your mother, that hole in her chest is from me. I killed her crew and it was just me and her, I was going to kill her but she begged for her life. She begged for her life and I made her do things I shouldn’t have, I wanted my way and I got it, it was wrong what I did and because of what I did you came along. Now you’re not a bad thing, no, you’re rather very smart, you can and will be better than me, but know that what I did was bad. It was very bad. And when I had my fun I left, I went on my way to do my job again. When really my job was supposed to be helping her, and helping you. If she shuns me away from you after now I want you to know this one thing, I’m going to teach you this one lesson now and don’t ever forget it: Do not leave who you want to have your baby. Take your time finding someone you want to become a parent with and you stay with them. Don’t you leave them, don’t you abandon them, and don’t you EVER force it on them. You love them, you care for them, and you stay with them no matter what! Do that and you’ll be a great dad. Better than me.”
“Adler!” Kramia called, “Adler come find your name here!” Adler slowly backed away to go find whatever Kramia called him for as he thought about what he had just been told. After he was gone Thirty-Four spoke up.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Teaching him the one thing I couldn’t.”
“I know you’ve been trying to escape it, but I’m here to make it right.” He went to let her out of his arms but she stopped him.
“No, I need this.” He didn’t understand what she needed but she did; she needed someone to hold her, to make feel like everything’s alright, to make her feel good. And she didn’t care who from. It took some time before Thirty-Four asked him what he was doing here.
“They want to study my body healing.” Now it was his turn to ask a question. “What is your name, Panzer thirty-four?”
“My name?” She didn’t know her name, she was a T-34 tank, she was just called ‘thirty-four’ by everyone. But was that really her name? “I don’t know, everyone just calls me thirty-four. I don’t have a name.”
“How does Vitaliya sound?” That made Thirty-Four feel nice.
“I like that name.”
“Ask your child first.”
“Adler, his name is Adler.” She broke away to park parallel to him and pull herself close to him. They talked from there on, she asked him many questions like where he went, who he met, if there really were other breathers that he killed. She asked him why he cared so much, why he didn’t desert and find them, and what he wants to do with his ‘family.’ And he answered, he answered every question fully, he explained himself, he told her straight, he had no fluff or elaboration. All he had for her were answers. This was able to last until sundown, when Adler got back to them. He saw them so closely together and it made him wonder about Dev, and he didn’t even know his name.
“Father, what’s your name?”
“My name, they named me Devastator, but everyone called me Dev for short. What’s yours?”
“Mom named home Adler.”
“I like that name. Well it’s nice to meet you at last, Adler.” He beckoned him closer to shake hands, Adler never shook hands before and was very new to it. It was almost difficult. “Adler, do you know your mother’s name?”
“Yeah! It’s-!” He suddenly stopped and a look of bewilderment came over him, he didn’t know her name at all. “I don’t think mama has a name.” He was sad and looking to her for an answer.
“I didn’t, but how does Vitaliya sound?” Adler looked very happy. That made her smile wide and blush, the two Russians smiling with glee made Dev happy, and he, too, smiled. Even though his was under his mantle and near impossible to see it was smiling. Then Vitaliya turned on Dev. “How does moving in sound, Dev?” He was completely taken by surprise again.
“Like, moving into the same warehouse? Together?” She nodded, Adler bounced in anticipation with an abundance of excitement.
“You found our house, right Adler?”
“Yes! I did! Oh please, dad, please!?” He begged and begged for an answer that was already a yes and Dev grabbed ahold of Adler and Vitaliya and tucked them tight and snug in his arms, this was the very best moment of his life.
“I love you two.”
Fin Ch 50
****BONUS****
“Mama, can you sleep with me?” Adler wouldn’t stay inside his room. He persisted that she stay in the room with him.
“Adler why? Just go to sleep, please?” Vitaliya groaned, she was very tired, Adler was obviously disturbed.
“I’m scared again!” He cried, Vitaliya knew what he was scared of but Dev did not.
“Of what?”
“Hitler! He stomps around on T-34s and he laughs like a gun! I don’t want him to step on me!” Dev moved closer to him and grabbed Adler on his flanks. Chuckling softly at Adler’s childish nightmare.
“Adler, you don’t have to worry about Hitler again, he’s dead now.” That comforted Adler a little bit, Dev continued to belittle Hitler into nothing. “Besides, Hitler was just a little, fat man. About this tall, as tall as you, and he was fleshy! He was fat, fleshy, and short! He was just a crazy, evil man that made other men, real men, fight for him. Don’t fear him anymore. He’s a dead man, smaller than you at his greatest, and worthless at that compared to you. If you ever feel scared of him again, you come out of your room and find me, I’ll be over there awake, just so I can tell you again: Hitler isn’t big or scary, he’s a dead man.” That made Adler feel much more comfortable. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Adler hugged Dev’s bow and murmured to him, “I love you, dad.”